Being the skeptic that I am, I tend not to believe rumors such as fake moon landings or 9/11 government conspiracies, until I check on the all-knowing internet. It is here where I learned that Barack Obama is really a Muslim, and that Elvis is alive, well and pumping gas at Shell station in Conway, Arkansas. So naturally I am a bit skeptical to learn of Jesus on a fish stick or a grilled cheese sandwich, until I log on and view it for myself. In this case, I know the owner of the jeans. It is on his crotch that Jesus appeared. Here it is:
Button Fly Jesus
It really is impressive, complete with eyes, nose, beard and a crown of thorns! I asked him what he was going to do with these jeans, and he said he might sell them on Ebay. I told him I thought that that is exactly what Jesus would want him to do.
When my friend told me that Jesus appeared in the crotch of a pair of jeans, I was both intrigued and excited. It isn’t often that one gets to see one of these miracles first hand, although in my case this was not the first time. When I was college, the blessed Mother Mary was making a habit of appearing in the clouds above a Catholic church in town, so one day some friends and I filled up our cooler full of beer, and headed to check it out first hand. It was a big deal at the time, and was covered by such hard-hitting news journalists as Maury Povich, who was the anchor at the time of A Current Affair. The crowd that day was huge, and we all waited with anticipation. We saw no Mary that day, but we catch what we thought to be the image Jim Bakker sneaking a bribe to Jessica Hahn.
Catholics are the best at finding these images. Maybe it is because they have more deities from which to pick and choose, or maybe it is because they drink more than Protestants. Maybe it is because most Hispanics are Catholic, and it is easier for the Jesus to show up on a tortilla than on a plate of spaghetti or kung pow chicken. When I was a kid growing up in Texas, it seemed like every other week there someone in Hondo or Laredo or San Antonio discovering Jesus on a tortilla. This schtick gets a little tiresome, and just once I would like to see a twist on this tired, old theme. Maybe a Lebanese baker could discover an image of Allah on some pita bread, and he could display it in his store window. Since Muslims don’t take kindly to images of Allah, we could take side bets on how long it would take for a fatwa to be issued, and whether the baker would show up for work the next day, and if so, if he would be without hands. There is no reason we can’t make spiritual occurrences fun!
I asked my friend if he really believed this was a Jesus image, and he replied, “Yes”. Then I asked him why Jesus and Mary always appear in vague images on the barks of trees and tortillas and imprinted seat cushions. I suggested it might make more sense for them to appear on the giant tv screen in Times Square, or to bump the anchor from the CNN news desk. “Well, now you are being ridiculous,” he said.
March 17, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Did you ask your friend what exactly one needs to be doing in order to see this upsidedown crotch Jesus?
March 17, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Jebus looks like an extra from Planet of the Apes.
I wish I could find jebus on some toast or something…I’d eat it up. mmmmmm jebus toast.
November 30, 2009 at 5:34 pm
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January 10, 2010 at 4:55 pm
I’ve been cogitating this recently, and I believe it’s a thing that a lot of people will be expounding on. People can’t plan to get anywhere if we just keep our minds buried in a box.